My Best Friend

I’ve been thinking a lot about my husband lately. You see, my husband is also my best friend. He’s who I go to when I have something on my mind, when something is bothering me and also to share all of the good things that may have happened during the day. He  is also the one that gets to hear all of the silly things I think about and my never-ending theories regarding countless subjects and outcomes. Poor fellow. He is so many things to me, it’s difficult to find the right words to describe clearly.

My husband and I met when we were young teenagers. It’s strange though as I don’t recall specifically meeting him, just that we were together all the time. We were neighbors, both living with our dads during the school year. We spent nearly every afternoon together and my dad even let him go on vacation with us. He kept me laughing all of the time and would continually pull pranks on me. One that has always stood out in my memory was him taking my shoes and throwing them in the dumpster while we were waiting for the school bus. To this day, he thinks that is still funny!

After spending only one school year as friends, we went our separate ways for many years.  In 2010, our paths crossed again. This man, whom I always considered one of the best friends I would ever have in my life, would do just about anything for me. He loves me with a fierceness that is beyond anything I’ve ever known with anyone else. He is always kind and considerate towards me (yes, even when we are at odds), which makes it very difficult to stay angry with him. I hate to admit it, but the man can get under my skin like no one else can, but never and I mean never, do I question whether he loves me or not. He has come into a family that I had already begun and has grown into a fine husband and father. At times it was difficult for him to fulfill that role, but because he didn’t give up, continually loved us, he has proven to all of us that he is indeed a man with integrity and faithfulness.

There are many of you living you life with the belief they you will never find an authentic husband or wife, but there is always hope! My advice is too never settle! I say that realizing that there are times when we believe that him or her is “the one”, the one we will spend the rest of our lives with-until death do us part. However, many times when all of the dust has settled and we are quiet with ourselves, we realize there were many times prior to getting married that we knew that it wasn’t the best decision. Perhaps there were those small red flags that we ignored. Maybe thinking that his/her behavior would change “after” you were married. This is a lie we tell ourselves. People only change when and if THEY want too, not just because you desire them too.

Marriage is difficult. For me, it is one of the most difficult things about being an adult. My husband and I are very compatible, but have differences in the way we deal with a variety of things. However, we complement one another. In an area that I am weak in, he is strong and vice versa.

I am very blessed that God had our paths cross again and that this man, whom always held a special place in my heart, is the very one I can call my husband and best friend.

I will end this post now because surely after he reads this his head will swell and I’ll have to grease the doorways to get him through! Love you sweetheart!

Moms-What are you doing to your child?

Come on moms, what the hell are you doing? Do you ever ask yourselves that? When your child has gone to bed and it’s quiet do you wonder what kind of damage you are doing to your child’s future? What benefit is it to your child to prevent him/her from having a meaningful relationship with their father? For those of you that feel the pangs of guilt immediately and want to justify your actions by saying “He is not a good father”, “My ex was a bad man” or whatever other relevant excuse you can come up with on a moment’s notice, just stop now. Only in rare cases should a father not be allowed to share in his child’s life. If the father is indeed horribly misguided and abusive, then this post will not apply to you.

I am speaking to the countless number of women whom are nothing short of vindictive and punish the fathers simply because they wield the power to do so. I have known many women just like “YOU”. I was raised by a woman just like you and have personally experienced the unnecessary damage done to children over these heartless acts that a woman will perform just because she can. It’s a horrendous grievance that many fathers in our country are not able to be co-parent their children. I don’t want to hear the excuse of “well he isn’t paying child support”. That is a whole other issue that the court will deal with, I am speaking directly to the importance of a father’s role in the life of a child.  Stop depriving your child of a male role model.  Your child(ren) need and deserve to know their father.

Moms, sit down and seriously think deeply about what if you were on the receiving end of such revenge? What if you could not spend quality time talking to and sharing your child’s life? It would be devastating! Please for the sake of your children’s future, allow your children the glorious opportunity to know their father and let the love he has for them to flourish and nurture them.

What’s Your Story?

We all have a story. Yep, our story. If you were asked by a new friend on a quiet evening to tell them about yourself, what would you tell them? Would you start off with your childhood, who your parents were, etc.?

My story begins as a young child, which in a myriad of ways has determined who I am today. My parents did not raise us in a God fearing home. Actually the closest we came to a Godly home was hearing one of them exclaiming “g&%damn” this or that in everyday conversations. My siblings and I weren’t taken to church to learn about God, we didn’t own a Bible. Although I specifically recall as a young child a church bus picking me up a few times to attend children’s church. Always on my own. I recall waiting for the church bus to arrive and wearing a pretty dress with lace trim and summer sandals to match. I will admit I don’t remember anything about the church, nor what I learned from attending. I do remember my pretty dress that I wore though.

During this time though I had daily conversations with God. Conversations that pertained to the life of a young girl. I would lie in my pale blue canopy bed with Holly Hobby sheets telling God about my day and all of the silly child-like things I wanted or was concerned about. What I remember most vividly is that God spoke back to me, He would whisper inaudible words to me and speak to me just as If he was right there in the room with me. Just lying back and talking as anyone would with a small child going through their day. I never told my parents about these conversations, for no particular reason except that God was not spoken of in our home. I would make up songs to sing to Jesus, because I also knew that He was the Son of God, although my conversations were with God Himself.

As an adult I often think about those nights spent talking with God as a child. He revealed himself to me so long ago, and I wonder if He had not would I believe as an adult? Is it possible to know God without a personal experience? Surely just knowledge alone of His word could not be enough to satisfy our souls. We have to have a relationship with Him. That is merely just the beginning of “my story”, but was brought to the forefront after hearing our pastor speak so vividly of heaven and how God has each of “us” in mind. Yes, that’s you and me.

Where I am Today

Today, I am in a place of loving my daily life and also being tired of my daily routine. Yes I rise early to get ready for my busy day ahead. I dig my job BUT why on earth must we go EVERYDAY? That is a fact that boggles my senses even after all these years spent working everyday. (Insert eye roll here especially for me.)

Thankfully I don’t work long hours, but I do stay busy. Much of my job is spent problem solving so..yikes by 5 p.m., I am like a character out of The Walking Dead. I don’t seem to have much time for my hobbies lately, or don’t take the time to dedicate to them. Holy crap, one would think I am my own worst enemy these days! I’ve attempted to schedule set days to work out, play my instrument and read/study but…can’t say that is working out so well. Don’t ask me how many days I’ve actually gone after work to work out either! 🙂

So, I’m wondering what others do to get themselves on a schedule after work in order to spend on their hobbies or extracurricular activities. Do you have to find a motivation outside of yourself? I’m thinking it may be beneficial to actually hire someone to be at my home by 5 p.m., knock on the door and just give me one of those looks. You know like “you know where you are supposed to be right now, and it’s NOT here”. Now, that may motivate me. Then again, I would feel compelled to stop paying him/her so I can have some peace.

So what do you do to motivate yourself?

To Tithe or not to Tithe?

Do you pay tithes? Do you know what that means? If you do tithe, why do you tithe? Tithing is giving God, or your church 10% of your income. It is telling God that you trust in Him and what better way than with your money? Look at it this way, what is one way you show your significant other, or children you love them? As a woman, one of the ways my husband shows me he loves me is buying me flowers, taking me out to eat, or getting me something special. However, let me give you some scripture to back this up.

Malachi 3:8-12 ESV 

Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How have we robbed you?’ In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.

This scripture God is actually telling us to test Him. Meaning He will show you that by giving, He will bless us, that means YOU and me!

Proverbs 3:9-10 ESV 

Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.

2 Corinthians 9:6-11 ESV 

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. As it is written, “He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.” He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness.

When we give it opens the door for God to bless us. It’s not always monetary, perhaps its blessing your marriage, healing a relationship, blessing you on your job. Any number of ways, but I can attest that when you give God will honor that! In our natural minds we think if I give God 10%, that’s 200 dollars, I can’t afford that! I have kids to feed, I have a mortgage! He knows that. God does not desire for our kids, whom He loves more than we do (believe it or not), to go hungry and He certainly doesn’t want us to be homeless. Step out in faith and test Him! Try it for 3 months and if He has not blessed you then quit. Its has to be supernatural because I would swear there was no way physically that on paper I could afford to pay tithes. Seriously that it what I thought too! But He says to test Him, so I did. You know what happened? I got a better job, which not only paid better, but had better benefits and awesome co-workers to boot! Yep, I have a FUN job! I have a God-fearing husband, and my children are safe and blessed.

What do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing! If you already tithe, please share your testimony. If you don’t, please share if you as I would like to learn why. Thank you!

How I perceive God after Growing up without a Father in the Home

I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. Although I vividly recall attending a local church, wearing my pretty pink dress and knee-high white socks. The church bus would pick me up at my home. I don’t recall how this came to pass, how my parents came to find this church or why they allowed me, but I remember attending by myself.  You see when I was a child I regularly spoke to God. I would make up songs to sing to Jesus while being outside boiling in the Louisiana summers. I can’t recall my parents speaking to us about spiritual things, but to this day I recall lying in my white canopy bed talking to God just as I was lying next to my best friend, talking about all the things that happened that day.

I can recall one of the saddest days of my childhood when I was apologizing to God outside on the back patio of a great sin I had committed that day. I was wearing my favorite light blue pen striped shirt and white shorts. Why I remember such things I don’t have an answer for.

My parents divorced when I was 11, although they frequently were separated and he worked off shore so we didn’t spend a lot of time with our dad. He was a good dad, as far as Dad’s are concerned. He was good to us, always had a good sense humor and was never hard on me or my sisters. He was kind and never raised his voice. His treatment of our mom has been disputed by our mother, but like I told my mother when I got older, it was irrelevant to him being our father. Looking back as an adult, my mom and dad didn’t get along very well. My mother had personal issues of her own that were not dealt with and with our dad being on the road so often, it only magnified her insecurities. With that being said, she was not a good mother, even if applying those words liberally.

The fact that he wasn’t around when we were growing up, partially because of what he did for a living, and their subsequent divorce, how I see God has been affected by this. I have always believed in God. I always felt God’s presence in my life. However, how I have seen God throughout my life as an adult has been affected by how earthly men in my life have portrayed themselves.

God is all-knowing, and powerful. There is nothing that God cannot touch. I have met only a few good men throughout my life and while I know that no depth is too deep for God, no height out of reach, I can’t see how God intentionally looks at me as a child of His. I have spent countless hours reading scripture and can tell someone how much God loves each of us and why Jesus willingly gave His life, even when we were yet sinners. But the truth is, when it comes down to the nuts and bolts, I can’t fathom God caring one way or another if I am blessed or not. I’ve never said this out loud, much less in writing, but I feel as though God has only blessed me because of my children. I love my children and since their birth have pondered how much He loves us because I know he loves my children more than I am capable of, which I find mind-boggling. I would give my life and take lives for my children, and to really think about how much He loves them, it’s difficult to really put into words.

I have come to the conclusion that a fathers role in the life of his children is immeasurable. It affects the way they will choose their future husbands and how they will perceive one of the greatest relationships in their life….their relationship with God!

The breakdown of the family is the worst thing I have seen of my generation. My hope is that there will be a renewal of the way women perceive the role of the father in the family and that men will step up and be men!

Next: To Tithe or not to Tithe

 

Feminism & how has it affected you?

By definition feminism is a movement for granting women political, social, and economic quality with men. The second wave of feminism (which we are most familiar with) took place in the 1960’s – 1980’s which broadened the debate to include cultural inequalities, gender norms and the role of women in society. Women wanted to be treated fairly, receive fair pay for the same job, and in many instances be equal with men. Much progress has been made through the years although women only make about 77 cents to every dollar a man makes for the same job. (US Dept of Labor, 1/19/14). According to the U.S. Dept. of Labor this is pay discrimination and is illegal. However, with that being said feminism has cost more than money and we have all paid dearly for it. With feminism the importance of men began to diminish within families.   Women began declaring  that men and/or fathers were not needed. We could do it ourselves. We didn’t need a man to tell us what to do, how to do it and when to do it. We could get up and work all day, come home and cook dinner and raise our kids ourselves. What that has done to the psyche of men I can only imagine. What has happened though is that many of us women of this generation have grown up believing this lie that we can take care of ourselves, without a man in our lives in any kind of meaningful way.

I was raised by a single mother and much of my family consisted of divorced mothers. What I witnessed was men that had committed to being husbands and fathers could and did walk out on their families, and were rarely seen afterwards. This only reinforced that one could manage without a man. We grew up without a father and I’m sad to say for a portion of my children’s lives, they did too. They both saw that a father could and did walk away and not be heard of much afterwards. To make matters worse, I have only met a very few actual “good men” in my life. We’ve seen a breakdown of the family and I believe that feminism has played a large part in that destruction.

I’ve learned the while a woman can have a career, raise a functional family, men do have an essential responsibility to share with us. One is not more important than the other, both are important. A woman is not capable of being a father, just as a man is not capable of being a mother. Both bring  things to the table that cannot be replaced or ignored.

Our Environment

We live in what is considered the Midwest. Yep, it’s cold here during the winter and it snows more than we prefer. Relocating to a small town from a large city has been quite an adjustment to say the least. For one, I’m no longer accustomed to bumper to bumper traffic. Hell, get me on a major 6 lane highway & my anxiety level slides up 4 decibel before I can blink twice. The days of gliding my ride up a ramp onto a busy highway, slipping past cross-country semi’s paying no attention have diminished considerably.

Life has slowed down quite a bit over time, allowing more time to reflect on the path that got us where we are today. Life is a trip. You start on your path going in a particular direction and within a span of let’s say 10 years, you can find yourself in a place that would be unrecognizable to your former/younger self. Not that where you end up is not a good place, so to speak, just a place that you couldn’t envision.

The end result of time passing is that we gain wisdom in our lives. At times its subtle. Things you know without having to expend much energy thinking about. You know certain types of people, you have gained wisdom within your career field, you know yourself intimately and that allows a comfort  that wasn’t present in your younger days.

Our environment can either be good for us or not. If your environment is not a good one, are there things you can do personally to make it better? If you have negative peoples in life, then intentionally make the decision to change that. Decide to live a better life. Live a peaceful and interesting life.